Going a Little Deep

You'll have to forgive me if I ramble or jump track here; it's late in the game. I am very tired and wish I could go to bed. Unfortunately for me, sleep is not an option right now. I not-so-accidentally had two cups of coffee tonight at dinner. Usually, I do not allow myself to consume coffee past Noon - since giving up other caffeine products, if I have too much caffeine, it messes with my sleep patterns. But in my defense, while I was sitting at the Depot tonight, I could see the thermometer on the bank sign across the street; when I arrived at 6:00 it was reading 24 degrees. When I left, at around 8:00, it was reading 21 degrees. It wasn't much warmer inside the restaurant. Anyways with that said, I'll move on to my point...

My great-great-aunt passed away Friday night and her funeral was today. My father and my cousin conducted the funeral services. They are the two preachers in our extended family, which numbers 100+ members. We are a close-knit family, which sadly is a rarity in today's times. I wasn't close to my g-g-aunt at all. I can recall only a few times over the past several years that we have even spoken to each other. She usually didn't remember my name, but could usually remember that I was "Mary Nell's granddaughter" or "Danny's daughter." I went to the visitation yesterday in support of my grandmother and her sisters; their mother, g-g-aunt's sister, passed away just a few months ago, and I wanted to show all of them my support. I went to the funeral today mainly to show my support to my dad and my cousin. Conducting a funeral service is no easy feat on its own, much less when it's for a dearly loved family member.

My cousin said during his message that for the past few weeks, g-g-aunt had been hearing music. Once last week, she heard it so loudly that she got up from the bed to go to the next room to turn down the radio. Only, the radio wasn't playing. She was no doubt hearing the Angel Choir. It is at this point that I was imagining that she had described hearing a song she had never before heard. Instead, she was hearing a very familiar hymn, and he began quoting verses from "Leaning On the Everlasting Arms." The words go something like this:

What a fellowship, what a joy divine
Leaning on the Everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine
Leaning on the Everlasting arms.
Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way
Leaning on the Everlasting arms;
Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day
Leaning on the Everlasting arms.
What have I to dread, what have I to fear
Leaning on the Everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near
Leaning on the Everlasting arms.
Leaning on Jesus, leaning on Jesus,
Safe and secure from all alarms.
Leaning on Jesus, leaning on Jesus,
Leaning on the Everlasting arms.

I have known the words to this song for as long as I can remember. I have been playing this song on the piano at church since I was 15 years old. (I'll save you from doing the math - that's almost 12 years!) But never have I paid such real attention to how wonderful that song is. Last night, I was talking to an old friend (our friendship is old, not her). We were talking about some things that I have on my mind and on my heart, and I told her that I have been praying about these things for quite some time. I still have confusions over exactly what is the right outcome and about how I should handle the situation. She very simply encouraged me to pray through. Our pastor's sermon Sunday night was on learning to pray - not learning how to pray, but learning to pray. He made the point that we spend too much time praying for what we want, when we should really be spending more time praying that what we want is what He wants for us. That really hit home. Backing up to Saturday night, Cousin, Sister, and I were out on a little excursion. We were driving across a mountain and were looking out over the city. We mentioned how beautiful it was and how it put things into perspective. We think that our world is so big, that our problems are so astronomical, that our issues are all that really matter. But from where God is, we are just tiny little things and so are our lives, our problems, and our issues. It's a humbling thought.

There are several things that I dwell on in my prayer life. Let me also take the time to say that my prayer life is not what it needs to be anyways, so I'm sure there are other things that I should be covering in my prayers. So today when I was on my way to the funeral, I spent some time in prayer. I told God that I was truly sorry for my lack of faith. It's so easy to talk about having faith when everything is going my way. When I don't have many problems, it's easy to look back and see how God has blessed me and brought me through things that I could not have handled alone. But when I'm going through those things that I cannot handle alone, I forget that He is handling them for me. I feel so alone. My faith dwindles. But when I'm not even looking, I find myself totally leaning on those "everlasting arms." And that is a blessed peace that no one can ever take away from me. And when it feels like things are crashing in on me, or when I am overcome with sadness or confusion, I can always look to that verse that says, "What have I to dread, what have I to fear? I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning on the Everlasting arms." God never promised His children that they would live perfect lives, but he did promise to always be there for them. Paul recorded a story about praying three times for God to remove the "thorn in his flesh." What the thorn was exactly is unknown; as a metaphoric lesson to us, it could be anything from a bad relationship, to financial troubles, to health problems, etc. But God told Paul that he would not remove the thorn. Instead, he said, "My grace is sufficient." In other words, God didn't promise to take away all of our problems, but He did promise to give us just enough of what we need to get through them. That is so awesome! How wonderful it is to know that no matter what I face, God is fighting in my corner. I don't give Him enough credit for this in my life. And it is such a sweet and comforting peace to know that He's always there for me - leading me, guiding me, protecting me.

I have several friends that are not Christians. I'm not one to force my beliefs on them, but I also try not to hide my beliefs from them either. I just wonder how they make it through the trials of life, the trials that we all face (money, sickness, death, health concerns, relationships with loved ones, etc.), without God. I'm not trying to say that I am a perfect Christian. I never have been, I am not now, and I never will be. In fact, shamefully I wasted several years being a terrible example of what a Christian should be. That in itself is one of the demons I deal with daily. I feel a certain amount of responsibility in discouraging certain people to have a relationship with God. But I hope that the life I lead now is one that shines a light of hope and grace that comes from my salvation. It is an awesome life to have when you know that no matter what you face, you have an everlasting - that means never ending, never failing, always there - arm on which to lean. Wow. Thanks, God!