Don't Waste The Pretty

I have had a terrible headache since about 2am Thursday night/Friday morning. It won't go away. I went to the barn to see Bull Rider Thursday night. We had the best time ever. This time it was way more fun than just sitting around talking. We listened to music and goofed off. I laughed until my side hurt. It was getting pretty late, and I knew I should head for home, but at the time I wasn't interested in leaving. I came to conclusion some time ago that I don't think the two of us would ever make a relationship work, however, I am not interested in not having him around. In other words, it's been a lot of fun hanging out with him and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. We haven't defined our "relationship" therefore I assume he is thinking the same thing I am. We are in this weird place though, somewhere between "friends" and "more than friends," but for me right now, this is a good place.

Now, here is the reason this is not going to go any further. He is immature. He is a hot-head. I have no tolerance of such behavior, and through a chain of events near the end of our evening, I let that be known to him. Apparently, Bull Rider does not appreciate it when someone tells him that he's acting like a small child, because he lit into me when I told him that. Imagine that... a cowboy with an attitude problem. The details of the entire episode are a little too much to post for public viewing, but we had a huge argument. And as mad as I was, and still am to a certain extent, and as mad as I know he was and still is, it was almost fun. I haven't encountered a man (I use that term loosely) who could hang with me in an argument in a long time. It was challenging, but oddly enough, exhilarating. Of course, we're still mad enough at each other that we're not speaking to each other yet. We did talk long enough to let each other know that we both made it home OK after we left the barn, but that's been it. He's at a rodeo this weekend, so we planned to talk when he gets home tomorrow night.

That's how the headache started, but it hasn't gone away yet. I have done little else except for sitting around on my do-nothing all day. I am about to take a shower and go out for Mexican with Sister. Maybe taking a shower and getting dressed up will make me feel better. OH YEAH... I forgot to post this tid-bit... I have lost five more pounds, bringing the total weight loss to 80 pounds! I am way pumped about that. Just 20 more to go to the 100 mark. I know I can do it, but I'm sure it will be the hardest 20 pounds to loose. I have to think up a reward for myself for when I reach it. The tattoo was an awesome goal for the 75 pounds, but I'm not sure that I want another one of those anytime soon. A cool vacation would be nice, but I'm broke, so that's pretty much out of the question. Although, I could write to Oprah and tell her my story and she would probably just give me a vacation, and maybe even a new wardrobe! It's getting expensive keeping myself in clothes these days.

I haven't blogged all week, so here's the quick run-down on everything else. Tuesday I took the kids from work to the petting zoo for the wrap-up party for the summer reading program at the library. This is no joke. While we were feeding the goats, the sheep, and the donkey, a little goat actually jumped on top of the donkey's back and stayed there. And the donkey let him! It was the weirdest and cutest thing! A friend of mine has let me borrow her new book, He's Just Not That Into You: The Abridged Version. May I just say, wow. Very enlightening. If I had read that while I was dating Ex, I would have been able to save myself a lot of time and trouble. My favorite thing from the book is this: "Don't waste the pretty" It's my new motto.

Wednesday was Independence Day. We cooked out at Cousin's house and had a birthday party for her daughter. She turned 9 on July 3. Every year on her birthday I remember a certain guy. His name is Chad, and he was my first love. The day Cousin's daughter was born was the day I fell in love with him for the first time. He was my first love and my first heartbreak. He was also one of the nicest guys, well probably the nicest guy I ever dated. He's married now and I think has a kid. I rarely give him a second thought except for Cousin's daughter's birthday. I like to remember him then because I can do so without feeling sad and lonely. I remember him with a smile because enough time has passed to allow me only to remember the good stuff. It's a reminder to me every year that time really does heal wounds, and the even though we think the things we go through may break us, really they only make us stronger and wiser in the end.