Goodbye 2007

I cannot believe that this is the last day of the year 2007! Where has the time gone? This time last year I was still pining away after Ex, just sure that we were supposed to be together despite everything, and sure that eventually it would come to pass. Looking back on that today makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth. He is engaged now, but the bets are still out as to whether or not the happy union will ever take place. I see him fairly often these days and I can in all honesty say that whatever I once felt for him is completely gone. I get disgusted thinking about what a liar he is and I am very thankful to God that such drama is now someone else's and not mine. I do care enough about him as a person and as a long-time friend to hope and pray that he will one day work through all of his demons and become the person that I know he could be. OK, enough about that.
2007... what can I say? The biggest event at the start of this year for me was the amazing amount of weight I lost, and the ease with which it fell away. That single event helped to transform every other aspect of my life. My wardrobe changed, for the better I must say. I began wearing make-up everyday again - something I had not bothered with very often since I graduated from high school. I didn't shy away from social scenes, nor did I shy away from meeting new people. Avoiding eye contact with strangers was something I had become accustomed to when I was heavier. But then one day I woke up with a renewal of self confidence and decided to look the world straight in the face from now on. The results, I must say, have been life altering. Such an alteration began in the early spring with the infamous Mr. Big. Even though he turned out to be one of the Biggest jerks/ jokes of a man I've ever encountered. What's so pathetic about him is that he really is such a looser and yet thinks so highly of himself. On this side of the whole ordeal, it's very amusing to me.
Then there's this other guy... whom I met at the height of my weight and awfulness of appearance. Despite that, we became fast friends. When the changes in my personal appearance began to be undeniable, his attentions towards me changed. At first I was very flattered and extremely interested in might become of all of that. However, in time I was somewhat offended at his vanity. On two or three different occasions throughout this past year, I thought there was a possibility of a budding romance between us, but each time I bowed out. The first couple of times he would give me a break for a while and then come back stronger than before. However, the last time was the last time - and that was almost four months ago now. I haven't heard from him once until Christmas Eve day. He called, but I was at my parents' house and didn't have enough of a signal to answer it. He left me a Merry Christmas voice-mail and said for me to call him back if I wanted. I haven't wanted to, so I haven't.
Then there was the whole Bull Rider episode. I won't even get into that one other than to say that now I remember why I don't date younger guys. And I realized that maybe cowboys are a little overrated. After that was a certain episode that seemed to have turned my world upside down, both for the good and the bad. The entire situation is one that I cannot discuss here though. Then a really great guy asked me out. We went out once and he made no secret about being interested in me. However, I made it no secret as to how emotionally unavailable I was at the time. I should probably be whipped in the head with a two-by-four for not going after him. We went to high school together, and have always been friendly acquaintances, but now we are friends. I am very thankful for our friendship; it has meant a great deal to me. He always has a listening ear and encouraging words for me. I've been struggling for quite sometime now about whether or not to stay at or leave my job and my church. I had come to a place where I felt like I had no one to talk to about the whole ordeal when he walked into my life. He's never once told me what to do other than to take my time and listen to God. And now I know that this is the time. I'm a little sad at thinking about leaving my church family. I've been here for over half of my life. But at the same time, I'm very excited for the chance to visit churches with my friends and family. I am ready to find "my own" church. Not that this one isn't mine, but I wasn't given a choice when I first came here. I was fourteen years old when my dad became the pastor here. I had to come then. Staying all these years, however, has been my choice, but this will be the first time that I can actually choose what church I go to without the influence of my parents.
I'm also going to be a little sad about leaving my job. I've been here for five and a half years!!! It's hard to walk away from that without a touch of sadness. I love the kids here, and the parents, and the girls I work with. But at the same time, I'm ready for a change of scenery. Again, the main reason I have this job is on account of my family ties to the church. Those ties are gone now, and it's time for me to leave too. What excites me the most about leaving is the prospect of making more money, and being in a more professional environment. And also the fact that I won't feel like my personal life is under scrutiny. My choice in men and friends have been questioned around here for sometime. Keep in mind that one of the choices I made, I knew better than to make, but did it anyways. But for the most part, I have maintained myself. It will be nice to have a more candid work environment I think. Something else I will miss dearly is my lunchtime at The Depot. I'm gonna miss not only the Depot people, but also the friends that I have made in the other customers. And I'm gonna miss being able to run a tab... hahahaha!
As far as New Year's resolutions go, I haven't thought that much about them yet. Like my hero Scarlett O'Hara would say, "I'll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!"