It Just Creeps Upon You

"What," you ask? Getting old. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that I'm "old," but I am aging. The evidence is in plain sight. The tricky part is, I never recognized when these things started happening. I just looked up one day and there they were. As I write this, it is 1am and I can barely hold up my head. Just five years ago, I would be only half way through my night. That was sign #1. This has been progressing for several years. Also, I have an increasing intolerance to loud noises. This too has been progressing for some time. Loud music, the clanging of toys, and sitting close to loud people gives me a severe headache. Closely related to this, I am hard of hearing. I'm not sure if this is a problem of aging, or if it's a genetic thing - several members of my mother's family are hearing impaired. Actually, I have been hard of hearing ever since I can remember. It's not bad enough to see a doctor about, but it's an ever present nuisance. All of my life I have had a "stomach of steel." Nothing bothered me. Mexican food has always been my favorite. Recently, I have to plan on not having plans after I eat Mexican - I have to come straight home. Hearing gross noises, like people gagging and coughing or blowing their noses, while I'm eating makes me loose my appetite. I used to never loose my appetite over anything! Right now, my stomach is killing me for no apparent reason. This is an increasing issue. I may be looking at IBS in my future. That runs in my family too. It really never occurred to me that the medical problems I heard my grandparents and my parents talk about may actually effect me one day. Facing them now is a new thing for me, and I don't like it. About a month ago, I had my annual eye exam. I knew that my prescription had changed a little. No big deal there. But when I was sitting in that room waiting for my pupils to dialate, the fear hit me. What if he really found something horribly wrong with me. Everything was completely normal of course, but admitting to myself that there was a possibility of a "problem" was tough to handle.
A couple of months ago, Sister was cutting my hair and took way too much enjoyment in pointing out the gray in my hair. I actually never thought I would have gray hair. For quite some time, I refused to admit it was there. But it is. I don't know what to do about it either. My parents are both in their late 40s (Dad will be 50 in 2 months) and they are both really gray. Mom keeps hers covered. And that is what gets me. My hair is very low maintenance, and I like it that way. I don't have to worry with up-keep on "chemical services." Mom has to get hers colored every 4-6 weeks. I don't want to have to deal with that. Also, there are wrinkles. I have the slightest hint of lines in the corners of my eyes, there are three lines in my forehead, and one line between my eyes. What on earth! I didn't see those coming, I can sure tell you. I just looked up one day and there they were. My skin is aging. What do I do about that? I have always taken fairly good care of my skin. However, lately I am almost obsessed with my skin care. I wash my face, use toner, exfoliator, moisturizer, and several other little "pamper" products religiously. I even use a lip exfoliator once a week! I do my hands too. Because of course, they're looking older too. And all of these things are superficial.
Then there's "life." Today, a friend was in my office. She graduated from high school in May. Today she noticed the softball team at school practicing - without her. She started in on "I miss it..." I know how she feels. When I was in school, I thought that was what life was all about. Now I refer to those days as the "meaningless high school drama." Of course, at the time it didn't seem so meaningless. I was about to give her the long speech about how in five years from now, she'll look up and realize that she hasn't thought about high school in ages. Yesterday, I gave a very "grown-up" speech to another kid I know. He's 20, smart, athletic, handsome, etc. He's also managed to almost ruin his life. He is busting his tail everyday in the blue collar world, and is quite obsessed with how much money other people have and what huge houses they live in. I came down on him pretty hard about how there are more important things in life than big houses and big money. How very adult-like of me. When did that happen? I'm all grown up now and I don't even remember it happening. It's like one day I woke up and I had real responsibility. Real issues. Real bills. Real World stuff. And I was handling it. It wasn't killing me. That's just what my life had become.
And I realized I'm not alone in this. I examined my friends. Several have children. Very few of us have new vehicles since college, because we're afraid of another payment. I mean, we're all dealing with the process of aging. We've all gained weight, we all go to bed early, and we start sentences with "in my younger days..." One of my friends' husbands is really starting to gray. It's so weird. As the Myspace craze has caught on, I have found friends I haven't seen since high school, and they are showing their age too. This is a strange place to be because I still feel like I'm 12 on the inside. 12 years old with a car, 26 years old with a car payment, 14 years old with a cell phone, 26 years old with a cell phone bill, 16 years old with no curfew, 26 years old and in bed every night by 11...
Maybe it bothers me so badly because I realize that I'm less than six months away from turning 27. I know... "Shut up, Stacy. 26 is not old." No, it's not, but 30 is a milestone and it's really close. There were certain things I thought I would have accomplished by the time I reached 30, and I'm about three years behind on everything. It's overwhelming.
Live. Laugh. Love. Isn't that what they say? So that's what I'm gonna do. Live everyday to the fullest. Laugh often. Love everyone and everything in my life, even the sick stomachs and aching heads, with all of my heart. My mother always said that the only alternative to growing old is dying young. With that in mind, I think I'll choose to "grow old gracefully." I'll be a Sexy-Grandma! It's really all about attitude. Here's a little story to testify to that: A woman woke up one morning and found that she only had three hairs left on her head. She said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." And she did, and she had a wonderful day. The next day when she awoke, there were only two hairs on her head. She said, "Hmmm. I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." And she did, and she had a fun day. The third day, she awoke and found one hair left. "I'll wear my hair in a ponytail today." And she had a great day. The fourth day, she woke to find all of her hair gone, "YEA! I don't have to fix my hair today!" It's all about attitude.