The Word "No"

Last weekend at the Chinese Restaurant (boy---will we ever quit talking about that night?!) I had three fortune cookies. I was looking for the "best" one before I called it quits. Never hurts to keep your options open... Anyways, the second one best suited me. It said: "People find it hard to resist your persuasive manner." That's me alright.

Someone told me once that I couldn't take "no" for answer. As soon as the words came out of his mouth, I was furious. Come on... ME... unable to take "no" for an answer??? Actually, as badly as I hate to admit this, he was exactly right. I'm used to getting my way. And when I don't, I will fight until the bitter end before I admit my defeat. That is apparent in every aspect of my life. (My relationship with the person who said that is one good example.)

It is hard for me to take "no" for an answer. My parents didn't overly spoil me as a child. I knew that if they said "no" then they meant "no" and that was the end of that. There was no arguing about it. But over the years, I have become accustomed to enforcing the rules instead of having them forced upon me. This has been going on since high school. I have a very dominate personality and I always end up being in charge. So when someone else is in charge and I'm not getting my way... Well, I don't take it too well. Back to the fortune cookie though. I really usually can use my "persuasive manner" to get what I want. I have a few methods that normally work. I'll not disclose those, or my cover will be blown (hehe). When my powers of persuasion work, I'm not one to gloat (normally). But when they don't work, I pout. The pouting has worked before apparently, because I do it so well.

Remember the movie "Clueless"? We watched that last week. Shhh... don't tell anyone! Anyways, she gets her report card and has low marks. She argues with her teachers until they change her grades. She made the comment to her father that her report card wasn't ready because those grades were only a starting place. That's pretty much how I am. The "no" is just a beginning for the appropriate deliberations that are about to take place. Last night I heard a segment on the radio about "understanding your boss's personality." Since I am the boss at work, I listened intently. It said that the boss wants everything they're way because they feel they are entitled to it. I didn't hear another thing that he said because that hit me like a rock. Do I feel entitled to things just because I am me? I think I do. Ouch. That's a hard pill to swallow. A friend once told me that I have a special way of getting people to do things for me and making them feel like I'm doing them the favor by letting them do it. For instance, at the grocery store, I hate pushing the shopping cart. So when I'm there with someone, I always say, "I'll let you push the buggy..." and they always do. Gosh. I would like to think that since I recognize this little personality flaw, I can begin to work on it.

The kids at work apparently have a hard time taking "no" for an answer as well. There is one little girl, she's 2 1/2, and every afternoon she comes in my office and picks up the phone receiver to the fax machine. Because of the location of the phone lines, etc., unfortunately it is in easy reach for a child. No other kid ever bothers it though. Just her. Every day I look at her and say "NO..." It's so funny. She is one of the smartest kids I have ever worked with. She's only two and she can count to 20 - 25 on a good day - recite her ABCs without singing them, and spell her name. She is fully potty trained and was carrying on adult conversations six months ago. But when she's doing something that she very obviously knows she's not supposed to be doing, she plays dumb. When I say "NO..." she just stands there looking at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. She doesn't respond, and doesn't move. She just stands there holding the phone in her hand until I go to her. While I'm making my way to her, she punches as many buttons as she can as fast as she can and then hangs up the phone. Then she stands in timeout or her mom (who is usually watching the episode) spats her bottom a couple times.

So what is it about the word "no"? Why does it make us - or me - so defiant? I'm not sure. I once told someone that I was a "tough" girl. Not tough enough to build a house or mend a fence, but tough enough to handle things and people in my life. And I was being honest. I am a fighter. I don't take too kindly to loosing at anything. And to accept "no" as the final answer is not easy for me to do. I have decided that I can overcome this. Although, I don't want to become too weak. I have made some progress in dealing with this... two people have told me "no" in the past two days. And both times, I took it amazingly well. I didn't try to argue or fight. I accepted what they were saying. Of course, they both gave me very good reasons about why they said "no." Maybe that's what made it easier to accept. I'm not sure. But I guess I have something to work on now - as if I didn't have enough already...