The Big JERK

I haven't heard from Big since Wednesday. In his absence, my mind has wondered as to what could be going on with him, and every time the inevitable conclusion was the same: he's still with Crazy Girl. The stalker in me came out a few times recently. I drove out of my way to see if he was at work on Thursday, Friday, and yesterday. He never was. After him not being there yesterday, I began to think that maybe he really had gotten a job someplace else. Wouldn't that be convenient for him? Not only could he forget about the girl from town, but the whole town itself. We would just be a distant memory. That was almost an appealing thought really. The one thing that bothered me the most was that by the time I decided enough was enough, he quit calling me, so he would go on thinking that it was his idea to get rid of me, instead of the other way around. This morning Cousin and I had to go do the grocery shopping for work. His workplace was on our way, and lo and behold, there was his truck. That threw my out-of-town-out-of-mind theory out the window. I griped and grumbled all the way to the store and back. We made it back to work just in time for his lunch break. As we drove by his shop, we saw him getting in his truck. Instead of unloading the groceries and then going to lunch, we went straight to lunch. I wanted to make sure I was there first so that he would never be able to say that I went chasing him down - even though I was. His boss was sitting at the table right in front of me. That was a little awkward, but not too bad. Several minutes had passed with no sign of him. Then I saw his truck in the parking lot. He came walking in and stood at the counter. Apparently he ordered his food "to-go" because he's too spineless to sit in the same building with me. Or maybe his girlfriend forbade him from going where she knew I would be. Anyhow, he motioned for me to come up to the counter. Had I been thinking, I would have made him come to me, but as it was, I went up there. Here's the conversation:
Big: Have you gotten a phone call this week?
Me: From who?
Big: From her.
Me: No, I haven't heard from her. She better not have my number! Does she have my number?!?!?"
Big: Not unless she dug it out of my phone.
Me: She better not get my phone number. So what's your story?
Big: What do you mean?
Me: You disappear and I don't hear from you in a week...
Big: Well, my little girl fell and broke her arm, and my little boy has been sick...
Me: [giving him the "yeah right" look] And there was never a time you could pick up your phone and call me...
Big: She was screening my calls. She was with me when I called you that day.
Me: Yeah, I figured as much. I told you from the beginning that I didn't want to be "that" girl.
Big: And I told you that I was seeing her before I even met you. (with a tone in his voice like I was the one being ridiculous at this point.)
Me: Yes, but when I told you that, you insinuated that things were over with her so when you kept calling me, that's what I assumed had happened. [a pause as I looked away] I'm not gonna be "that" girl. I'm just not...
So then I just looked at him and everything that I've been wanting to tell him about how I know what a lying sack of shit he is and all of that, but the words wouldn't come. We stared at each other in silence for several moments and then he winked at me. That same wink melted my heart and made my knees weak two weeks ago, but today, I wanted to stab him in the eye. Actually, it was all I could do not to slap his face. So before I caused a scene in the middle of the restaurant, I turned around and walked back to my seat. I didn't say another word to him; I just left him standing there. Thank goodness I was the one that got to walk away.

To add insult to injury, Ex's friend and the ladies from his office came in right after all of that junk with Big. I see him in there almost on a weekly basis. Never once in the past year have I ever heard him mention Ex, save the time he was telling about him falling off of a horse. But today, he felt the need to announce to the ladies he was with that Ex gave his new girlfriend a ring this weekend, and it looks as though they might get married as early as June, but definitely before the end of the year. Great. I have already heard as much so really wasn't that bothered by it, other than the fact that he purposefully said it loud enough for me to hear it. And he didn't stop there. He just kept on and on and on about Ex. Ex's former sister-in-law was there and she made the comment that she didn't think for a minute that him and this girl would make it to a wedding. His friend said, "Yeah they will too. All those other girls didn't matter. This one matters. She's the one." Thanks, you jackass. It's nice to know that you think all the bull crap that I dealt with from your friend didn't matter. It's also nice to know that even though I was the best possible girlfriend I could have been to the likes of him, that really I didn't matter. Why didn't you tell me I didn't matter back then and save me the time and trouble? What a jerk. I wanted to fling my hot wings across the table at him. I just want to find him and tell him that "yes I do matter. I matter to a lot of people. And I matter to myself, which is more than I can say for your friend. And, no, I didn't matter to him enough. And for whatever reason, I thought that if I stuck it out with him long enough, then I would. But when I realized that that wasn't going to happen, I cut my losses and moved on. I didn't have it in me to spend my time with someone who didn't appreciate how wonderful I could have been for him. So maybe the new girl matters to him. Good for him. It actually helps my feelings to know that he's capable of caring so much for someone, because I was actually worried that he might not ever be able to. But how dare you sit across this restaurant from me and say to my face that I didn't matter. What matters the most is that no matter what idiot guys come and go in my life, I still have friends who are always there for me, I still have my faith in a God who never fails me, and I can still hold my head up wherever I go. And that is what matters about me."