A Big Week

Roommate's hubbie got home earlier today!!! I was beside myself with excitement when I saw him at lunch. I completely ditched Mr. Big and ran across the restaurant to give him a hug. He's lost a little weight, but he hasn't changed a bit. He hadn't been sitting at the table for five minutes before he was already picking on me. I know that Roommate and the kids are so glad to have him home. It has been a busy week getting ready for him, that's for sure. We had kind of let the house go and had to get all that cleaned up. Two guys came over Monday night to do so things to the car he's been restoring. Then they came again Tuesday night. Then again Wednesday night, and they finally got finished. Meanwhile, I was upstairs cleaning, doing laundry, and going through my clothes. Some of my clothes are too big now and several people have given me their hand-me-downs. Clothes were everywhere and it took forever to go through them. Anyhow, I finally got done with that too. I took off work early so that I could go home and get a head start on the cleaning. Mr. Big came by when he got off work and stayed for a little while. He is an Auburn fan. Most people in my world are Alabama fans - especially Roommate and Soldier! Big was looking at all the Bama stuff hanging from the walls and said, "Can these people not afford anything better to hang on their walls?" I laughed and said, "You had better hope that Soldier doesn't find out that you wore that Auburn hat in his house. I might end up homeless and you would be minus a hat and a head to wear it on." Other than the Alabama/Auburn chit-chat, we just talked about this and that. He said something really yucky-sweet to me. One of our conversations was about how we're falling apart. His shoulder was giving him problems yesterday and I was telling him about a problem I'm having with my hip. I was blabbing away about the whole thing and said, "It only hurts now after I walk or jog, but 70 pounds ago, it hurt all the time." Then he was just staring at me, and I was thinking Great, he's not enjoying my looong stories. I looked at him and said, "What?" He said, "I'm just trying to picture you 'plus seventy pounds.'" "Don't," I said, "it's not a pretty picture." So he touched the end of my nose and said, "But this is." That basically made me melt. These Big compliments might start going to my head if I'm not careful. We've had lunch together three times this week. Tuesday was when Ex showed up. Sister joined us on Wednesday, and Ex's friend was sitting right behind us. I didn't tell Mr. Big that we had such an attentive audience, but Sister said that he was watching and listening to everything going on at our table. Yes, I finally moved on with my life, believe it or not. Quit staring! Then today at lunch, we were joined by Roommate, Soldier, and their kids. He gets kind of quite and shy around people. His shyness took me by surprise. I mean, it's not everyday that the shy-guy buys a strangers lunch, ya know? Roommate was glad to finally meet him. She was getting pretty upset that Cousin and Sister had met him and that she hadn't. I was glad he got to meet her and her husband at the same time. When he left, he shook hands with Soldier and said, "It was nice to meet you. If I don't get to see you before you go back, be careful over there." He's just a Big ol' teddy bear.

So I am having some Big trust issues. There are two reasons for this. One: Mr. Big is very vague about certain things and is really good at changing the subject when it's for his benefit. The mere fact that he is so mysterious and vague is enough to make my mind wonder all over the place. Unfortunately for me, it also drives me crazy for him, and keeps me coming back for more. Two: Ex. That's enough said. He looked so wounded the other day when he saw me sitting with Big. After lunch that day, I was almost tempted to call him and tell him about himself. He lied to me all the time about everything. I'm not even sure he knew he was doing it. It had become habit for him really. And at the time, I was never really positive that he was lying to me, but within a few days, I would find out for sure. The result of that was that over time, I just assumed everything was a lie and I would go snooping around for the truth. What I didn't realize at the time was how accustomed I had become to that. In turn, I just assume that one day I will find out that everything that Mr. Big has ever told me will have been a lie. Thankfully, though, some of the things that he's told me and that I've dug around for have all been true. But letting myself simply trust him without digging around seems next to impossible. I was telling a friend about this the other day and she said, "You're just gonna have to blog your way through it." So I guess that's what I'm doing. I think I've dealt with a lot of this stuff pretty well so far. I mean, if you think about, Big just fell from the sky and I was completely unprepared for the whole thing. Had I had a little warning, I might could have had some of these trust issues worked out already. Of course, that's not how it works in the "real world," but it would have been nice just the same. Big and I have definitely gotten closer this week. There is less teen-aged flirting and more real stuff going on. I'm glad for that, but also, I'm thinking that soon it will be time for me to spill my guts to him about Ex. I have already told him that Ex went out of his way to not spend time me, and that he was a liar, but I stopped short of getting into the "so now I have trust issues" talk. He seemed to understand so far about that much of it. Also, he has a few issues of his own that he's dealing with and I would like to think that I am understanding to his issues too. The reason that I am stressing out about it so much is simple; When I close my eyes and picture him, I smile. When I see his name pop up on my caller id, I smile. When I hear his say "Good morning, sunshine," my heart skips a beat. When I look in his eyes, or at his smile, or just at him, I melt. I said I wasn't going to fall so hard so fast. I am definitely treading more lightly this time, but I feel myself slipping.