Playing the Game

I didn't get to talk to Mr. Big all weekend. He was out of town for a fishing trip, and while he was gone, my mind was swirling. It occurred to me that I don't know anyone who knows him, and that is uncharted territory for me. When Ex and I were dating, I had plenty of people around to let me know when he was screwing up. At the time, it got on my nerves every time someone would tell me the next stupid thing he did, or how they heard this or that, which always would contradict the story that he told me. But after a while, I kind of used that as a crutch and when I finally broke up with him, though it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, it was easier knowing that I had real proof of what a jerk-face, liar, and cheater he was. I don't have that crutch with Mr. Big and until he was gone this weekend, that reality had not yet hit me. Brother told me yesterday to be very upfront with him about the "issues" with trust and what-not that I have on account of Ex, and to be careful not to blame Big for Ex's mistakes. Easier said than done. Five minutes after Brother told me that, I was outside talking to Big. Our lunch date for yesterday had been cancelled because of his work and he was telling me that they would be working out of town again today. I didn't reply and was looking off when he jokingly said, "Really it's just a conspiracy to avoid Stacy at all cost." He thought he was being funny, but at the moment it brought back a lot of things for me. I just looked at him and honestly told him I was paranoid about that because Ex had become an expert in the avoid-Stacy-at-all-cost game. I had hoped that I wasn't going too sound pitiful when I said it out loud, but I think I did. He was cool about it though. He gave me that sexy little smile-with-a-wink and said, "That guy is just an idiot." Also, I keep assuming that Big has three or four girls running around out there who are as completely struck with him as I am. There's really no need for me to feel that way, he hasn't really led me to believe that. In fact, yesterday, he did the smile-with-a-wink four or five times and called me "Baby" once or twice. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about that, because I've never been one to do pet names. But I appreciated the affection. Then last night, I was at Wal-Mart with a girl from work getting daycare groceries. While we were standing in line to check out, he called me. He said that he was taking his two little ones to the park to feed the ducks. He asked me what I was doing before he told me what he was doing, and I think he was going to ask me to join them. When I told him I was at the grocery store, he sounded a little disappointed, but he never said for sure if he had intended on inviting me or not. I know that I am always the one to over analyse every situation, and I don't really see that changing anytime soon. But I feel like I'm walking unsteadily here. I'm caught up between being romanced by this guy (and what girl doesn't want that?) and trying to figure out if he's just full of crap. And I'm trying to find the balance between being with a man I was never able to trust and learning how to take a perfect stranger at his word. Also, I could just be making too much out of the entire thing anyways; he still hasn't asked me out. I think I'm just going to have to Cowgirl Up and ask him if this is just a friendly afternoon flirtation or if it's something that really could go someplace. Am I crazy, or what???