The Big Let-Down

I was going to hold off on writing this one until I had an ending, but I feel an overwhelming need to vent. How about Mr. Wonderful turned out to be Mr. Not-so-Wonderful. Since the second day I knew him, I have had certain doubts about Mr. Big. The first doubt was that on the second day I knew him, we were in the parking lot at work talking and he told me that he was going out of town for the weekend. His words were "I'm going to Tennessee with a couple of buddies of mine." Later on in the conversation, his phone rang and before he answered it, he "shushed" me. That totally rubbed me the wrong way, and seeing as how I am incapable of keeping my mouth from spilling what's in my brain, as soon as he hung up the phone I said, "You shushed me." During our very first conversation he asked if I had a boyfriend, and I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said, "No. I was seeing this girl, but she's crazy and I had to let her go." Ok. So the next day it was her on the phone when I got shushed. I looked him straight in the face and said, "If you and this girl are serious, you need to tell me right now. I'm not gonna be 'that girl.' That's been done to me before, and I'll have no part in doing it to someone else." He went into this whole thing about how she's crazy, and how he's tried to break up with her, and then she invited herself on the upcoming trip. Huh? Thinking back, I should have went with my gut at that moment and walked away. But I didn't. Not until the next week did he let it slip that he was in the Smokey's that weekend. Even though the Smokey's are in Tennessee, in my world saying "Tennessee" and "the Smokey's" are two different things. But, that next week everything seemed to be going along just fine. One night he called me and we had a very serious conversation about things that we want from a relationship, specifically children. He has three and can no longer have anymore. He wanted to be upfront with me about that since I don't have kids of my own. I have some health issues and have known since I was 16 years old that if I can have kids, it will be thanks to vast amounts of fertility drugs. I haven't ever really dealt with how I feel about that completely, but the older I get, the more I have realized that I don't think I want to go through all of that. I would be a great mom, I have no doubt about that, but I do so enjoy the freedom of not being a mom. Not that I think people with kids are stupid for wanting them, I love kids - teaching them, caring for them, and loving them is what I do for a living; it's what I'm good at doing, and it's what I love doing. However, I enjoy hopping in the car to go somewhere - anywhere - without the diaper bag, the babysitter, etc. So that "can't have anymore kids" bombshell didn't hit me too hard. Also, it was sort of a relief because I have chickened out of telling every guy that I've ever dated that I might not be able to have kids. Moving on here, by him bringing that situation to light, I assumed that he was quite interested in seeing where this relationship might go. But the week came and went and he never asked me out on a date. I didn't hear from him all weekend until Sunday afternoon. He had his kids for the weekend. I ended up feeling like the prick for whining about not hearing from his since he had been with them all weekend. The next week went along alright as well, but still no date. He did come over to my house one afternoon, but only stayed a few minutes. He had his kids that weekend too, but I did talk to him on and off all weekend. (You may remember from other blogs the one about him driving with five kids in the car and what-not.) We had lunch together Monday and Tuesday this week. He came to see me at work on Monday. Tuesday was the day I called him to come kill the cat, which of course, he didn't. But he did make plans to come over Wednesday morning before he went to work. All of that sounds alright, but here's where the problem comes in. Besides that one night when we had the conversation about kids, and the night that he had all the kids with him, we never talk at night. We don't share any communications, or rather, he doesn't respond to any, after quitting time. The first week was understandable, but now this has been rocking along for several weeks and things haven't changed. It quickly became quite obvious that I was merely the "daytime" girl. Does that mean that there is a "nighttime" girl out there? All along the way I kept thinking that. Each time I would beat myself up over it, blaming myself for punishing the new guy because of all the junk that I went through with Ex. Trying so hard to put all of that stuff out of my mind, I got the house and myself ready for my Big Breakfast on Wednesday morning. He was going to call before he got there so that I could wake up, brush my teeth, and unlock the door for him. He called around 6:30 Wednesday morning and said that he couldn't make it because he was on his way to Greenville, South Carolina for a job interview, and that he would call me when he got back. I was half asleep and pretty sick when I was talking to him, so all of the obvious questions and comments escaped me. Plus, he seemed to be in a hurry to hang up the phone. Later on that morning when I woke up I sent him a text message and asked if he really said South Carolina or if I just dreamt that part. This is Friday night, and I have yet to receive a reply to that text message, much less a phone call. This itch that he has to find work out of town bothers me too. I have no desire to be in a long distance relationship. It was a constant fear with Ex, who was prone to leaving town with the going got tough, and I have no plans to deal with that again either. And now here's the kicker. One of the teenagers that works at the daycare was out this week because she was gone a trip with her class from the Tech school. Big's oldest daughter went on the same trip. The girl from work got back Wednesday afternoon, but didn't come back to work until today. One of the first things she said when she walked in the door was, "I saw your man the other day. He came to Tech to pick his daughter up when we got back from our trip." Wednesday, as in the same day he was "in South Carolina." That lying sack of shit. I don't know where he has been or what he has been doing, but I have had enough of this. Thankfully, this all came out in the wash before I had too much emotionally invested. If I was willing to put up with lies and deceit, I would have never broken up with Ex. And who, may I ask, does this guy think he is? He came looking for me. Not to be self-righteous, but he did. I was minding my business at lunch one day and the next thing I know, this guy is going out of his way to come to me. I didn't ask for this. If he knew that he was going to be so closed off to me, then why bother? That's the part that I don't understand. Right now I just want to knock his perfect teeth down his throat. Since I still haven't talked to him, I have no idea why any of this has happened. Currently, I am trying to decide if it's even worth the trouble of finding out.