A Sackful of Emotions

What an emotional week I've had! To start things off, Monday I was sick. That was the day that Sister told me of her conversation with Ex. On Tuesday, I felt like a brand new person! That was a good thing because it was Sister's birthday. She was a little bummed that our parents chose to go on the weekly "date night" on her birthday, so I arranged for a few friends to meet up at The Depot. Depot Lady made her a small birthday cake; they even had a few "happy birthday" balloons on the tables when we got there. We had a great time! Wednesday was the day I got dissed by Cowboy at lunch. No worries over that one, though.
Then Thursday... What a sad day. I have managed to form several deep friendships with some parents at daycare. One of them, Tiff, is a bigger airhead than I am, bless her heart, but I love her to death. She is a year or two younger than me and has two precious little girls. Mary, a daycare mom/friend from church, called me Thursday morning at 8:00 and said that Tiff's younger brother had been killed in a car accident an hour earlier. At the time, Tiff didn't even know yet. Kim, another daycare mom/church friend works with Tiff, and Mary called to give her the news as well. Through a chain of events, Kim had to be the one to tell Tiff when she got to work. The next three hours were hectic for me. All I could think about was getting to work and taking care of Tiff's babies (they're not really babies, one is 5 and the other is almost 3). Plus, I had to make 437 phone calls and send 864 text messages about the situation. I had only met the brother two or three times. He was a really nice guy, and his precious little nieces loved him dearly. He and Tiff were very close. After one of my 10 phone calls with Mary, I broke down. I don't have many tender-hearted moments, but my heart really broke for Tiff when I thought about what a loss she had just suffered. I tried to think about what it would be like for me if I lost my brother. But it was too painful, and I couldn't make myself think that far into it. My brother can piss me off faster than anyone in the entire world, but when it boils right down to it, he is my rock. I always need a strong man around for something, and my brother is always there when no one else is. I can't imagine what she must be going through right now. And that's not even including how she's having to step up and take care of her parents right now. It breaks my heart to think about what she's going through. In the midst of my break-down and phone calls, I was trying to get ready for work. After I got out of the shower, I had an issue with my blood sugar. I was in desperate need of something to eat. The only thing I could find was some blueberry muffins, which I hate. I ate them anyways, because I needed them. So I don't know if it was because I needed something to eat so badly, or if I've just underestimated blueberry muffins; but how about, I loved them! Anyhow, I wrapped up all of my phone calls and finally made it to work. By the time I got to work I was shaking again. Not from blood sugar issues, but from the stress and emotion of it all. I sent Big a text message and said, "I'm not having a great day. Tell me something to make me feel better." He replied, "Loratab." Needless to say, that worked. It made me laugh and got me back on track for the rest of the day.
At lunch that day I saw Ex's friend again for the third day in a row. He was with a lady from his office. You may remember that I said he was really hateful a few weeks ago when he was blabbing his loud mouth about Ex's new relationship. I wish I knew what was being talked about at the barn every night, because this week he was eating me up with kindness, and when he was talking to his co-worker on Thursday, he was whispering instead of yelling. I strained to hear what he was saying, hehe. He said that Ex asked him to be the Best Man at the wedding, which will be June 30. Apparently, when Ex proposed, he was assuming that they would be getting married sometime next spring. The new girlfriend had different ideas, so the wedding is a month away. Ex's friend is a little concerned that this new girl is too much of a control freak, and has become disenchanted with her. I didn't get all of what he was saying, but I heard enough. Several people that I know have placed bets as to whether or not he'll make it to the wedding. I'm giving him more credit than he probably deserves, and refuse to join in on the bets. But I'm beginning to wonder about it myself. In reality, I hope he loves her, that she loves him, that he will be happy with her, and that it all works out. Also, I sincerely hope that if this is the "real deal" for him, that his friends, especially the one, will quit busting his balls every time he turns around, and just support him like friends are supposed to.
Later on Thursday, I talked with another daycare mom/friend, and asked her if she would work at daycare this summer three days a week. She readily agreed, and I was so excited. She is plain-spoken, but also very caring and tender-hearted. Her son was one of my first students at daycare, and I have a soft spot a mile wide where he's concerned. She probably loves me more than I love her, if that's possible, and therefore she despises Ex. Her husband works with Ex's friend, so she encounters him from time to time, and he understands her distaste towards him. I'm glad that I'll have her around this summer. I'm being a big girl about Ex getting married, and I'm very sincere about wishing him happiness. However, I can't say exactly how I'll be feeling the closer the wedding date approaches. She'll help me keep things in perspective.
Friday night after work, I rode with some people from church to the funeral home to visit with Tiff and her family. It was very sad. I'm worried about her because she hasn't eaten in two days, and has barely slept. She is having to be the tower for her parents and is surviving merely off of her adrenaline. I can't imagine what she must be going through.
When we left the funeral home, we went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. While we were there, a ton of people started coming in for Graduation dinners. I knew that Mr. Big was at that graduation, and I started getting paranoid that he and his girlfriend were going to walk in at any minute. I mean, what would I do if I saw them? How would I be expected to handle myself? Would I just have to look at him like I had never seen him before? While thinking about that, I realized that if that was to happen, I would be ready to dig out his eyeballs with my spoon. My closest friends will be happy to know that it was then, while thinking about a random public meeting with the two of them together, that I decided enough was enough. Ex was completely right when he told Sister that I deserved the very best. He has actually told me this before, but I wasn't ready to hear it, especially from him, at that time. But last night I boned up and faced the facts. I'm not getting the best here; I'm getting someone's sloppy seconds, and that's just not gonna cut it. I have made up my mind that the next Big conversation I have will be the Big end-all conversation.
Needless to say, by the time I got home last night I was so emotionally drained from my week that I crashed. I fell asleep before I took out my contacts and turned off the lights.