Bring On the Rain

I have been doing a most terrible job of keeping my blogs updated. There are several reasons for this. One is that I've been swamped at work lately and our computers at home are messed up, so there just hasn't been much time. Another reason is none other than the infamous Mr. Big. There was so much going on in that department that I wouldn't share in the blog.

Yesterday, two girls at work asked me to fill out reference forms for another job that they are applying for. I have mixed feelings about that, but I filled out the forms without bias. While they were in my office, we talked on from one subject to the next. Of course the Big situation came up. As in any discussion about how screwed up my relationships are, Ex came up also. I told them about how the wedding date has been set, and that I had been so excited to hear when it was - that was the day I was supposed to go visit my out-of-town friend. But last week, she called and cancelled. So now I'm gonna be stuck here that day trying to find something to do to keep myself busy and keep my mind off of the wedding. I told them that I had been through this ex-boyfriend-getting-married-today routine a couple of other times, and even though I was completely beyond my feelings for them, it still made for a bad day. By the time they left my office, I had managed to get myself completely bummed.
I left work early yesterday so that I could go see a friend's son play in his last baseball game. I have been trying to make it to one of his games all season long, but never could until yesterday. The game was underway when I got there. After I had settled into my seat, I saw Mr. Big's girlfriend. Nevermind how I knew it was her; I just knew. I told my friend and she told me that she had overheard buzz around the park earlier in the season that she had recently gotten married. I thought, Great. It was bad enough thinking that I had been talking to another girl's boyfriend. But was I really messing around with someone's husband??? I didn't quite know what to think. (I know now that they're not married.) There was one time when I was very tempted to go over to her and introduce myself and then let her know what a jerk of a boyfriend she had. I decided against that when I saw her talking with one of her friends. She was standing then, and her arms were flailing around in her tirade. She was spitting mad about something, and with my paranoia kicking in, I assumed that the "something" she was mad about somehow related to me. I kept my seat, but was thinking to myself that I might just send Mr. Big a text message and tell him that he was welcome for me being such a big girl and not messing up his little world. Little did I know...
This morning I was on the phone with Cousin filling her in on the whole thing from yesterday. As I was wrapping up the story, I received a text message from a number I didn't recognize. The prefix was one that I recognized, but not the last 4 digits. I called off the number to Cousin and she thought it was our pastor's number. Nope. Pastor's wife? Nope. The message said "Is this Stacie?" Well first of all, I hate it when people spell my name like that. But I knew immediately who it was. The two of us sent several vague messages back and forth and she asked if she could call me. Finally I said it was OK, and she did. Sure enough, it was the girlfriend - or the EX girlfriend, rather. Apparently, she dumped him over the weekend. Her reasoning... I was the FOURTH girl that she caught him with while they were dating! We talked for twenty minutes comparing notes about how sorry he is and what a Big liar he is. By the time I hung up with her, I was glad that she had called. I haven't talked to him in almost two weeks, and I was sure that I was better off, but there was a lingering feeling in the back of my mind. That feeling is gone now. I feel like I have complete closure on the situation. Closure is hard to come by really, if not impossible to obtain.
Last week I was whining in my blog about "what was the purpose for him walking into my world?" I have had two insights since Sunday about this. On Sunday, our Pastor delivered a wonderful sermon. He was talking about Joshua and the Children of Israel. Every time God did something for them, they ended up going back towards Egypt instead of staying in the Promised Land where God had granted their every need. That made me think about Big. I had put off praying about the situation with him for so long, that other parts of my prayer life and suffered in consequence. Each time that I encountered Mr. Big, another problem would pop up somewhere else. Big was like my Egypt. My Egypt is a place where I think I can handle things on my own, without the help or advice from anyone else, and especially without being at all prayerful in my decisions. I knew Sunday more than ever before that I was going to have to turn my back on Egypt, so to speak, and get my prayer life in order. Then this morning when I was telling one of my friends about the conversation with Girlfriend, she said, "This whole thing backfired on him, didn't it? He lost the girl on the side, the girlfriend, and a free place to live. Guess he's not all he thought he was cracked up to be." She said this amid her laughter, but while she was having a Big laugh, I had a Big revelation. He was not in my life for a reason in particular; I was his reason. I was what God used to teach him a few lessons. Girlfriend told me that when he was begging her back she told him that she forgave him and let go of the issues with the other girls, but the thing with me had lasted longer and he seemed more involved than with the others. He said that things between us were over, but she told him that she couldn't live her life "... wondering when the next Stacy was coming along, or wondering what was going on with Stacy this week." Good for her. I had never thought of myself as being someone's lesson before. I am assuming that he's staying with a friend or with his parents right now, and probably feeling pretty sorry for himself. The "good" side of me hopes that he'll see the error of his ways, so to speak, and that he'll make the changes within himself that need to be made. It happened with Ex, it could happen with him too. The "bad" side of me couldn't keep quiet, and sent Mr. Big that a text message that said, "I made a new friend 2day. Guess who." He hasn't responded.

Last night I was ready for bed by 8:00. I said as much to Roommate, and she agreed. Just then, we heard rain on the roof. I saw rain for the first time in over a month Sunday, but I didn't get to smell it or feel it. As soon as I heard it last night, I ran outside and just stood in it. I breathed in the smell of it and let it hit me in the face. It was awesome. After the events of this morning, I was remembering last night, and I remembered a Jo Dee Messina song, Bring on the Rain. The verses of the song don't really do anything for me, but the chorus says, Tomorrow's another day, And I'm thirsty anyway, So bring on the rain. Getting over love lost; done that. Good looking stranger with lots of drama; made it through that. Confronting it head on with Girlfriend; mastered that one easily enough. I think I've got this... Bring it on!!!